# The Ongoing Pull Request - Sup-a-Dillie-O - Path: /posts/growth/2026-05-14-the-ongoing-pull-request/ - Generated: 2026-05-14T23:31:26.424Z - Description: Failing in Public (On Purpose) ## Extracted Content [ Sup-a-Dillie-O ](/) [ Home ](/)[ Archive ](/archive/)[ Discoveries ](/discoveries/)[ CV ](/cv)[ About ](/about/)[ Contact ](/contact/) [ Home ](/)[ Archive ](/archive/)[ Discoveries ](/discoveries/)[ CV ](/cv)[ About ](/about/)[ Contact ](/contact/) ![Banner image of the blog](/.netlify/images?url=_astro%2Ffamily_hero.BP3CsOQZ.webp&w=1536&h=672&dpl=6a065ac4276f3d0008863b3f) [ ![Profile Image of the Author](/.netlify/images?url=_astro%2Favatar_ghibli.Cejt_3le.webp&w=979&h=979&dpl=6a065ac4276f3d0008863b3f) ](/about/) Sean Patterson Bonum, Veritas, Pulcher, Technae [](https://www.linkedin.com/in/dillieo/)[](https://github.com/dillie-o)[](https://instagram.com/dillieo)[](https://stackoverflow.com/users/71/dillie-o)[](https://app.thestorygraph.com/profile/dillieo) Categories [ 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1035 words 5 min The Ongoing Pull Request 2026-05-14 [Growth](/archive/?category=Growth) [management](/archive/?tag=management) / [blogging](/archive/?tag=blogging) / [unknown](/archive/?tag=unknown) / [growth](/archive/?tag=growth) ![](/.netlify/images?url=_astro%2F2026-05-15_cottonbro_desk.8XmakJ3w.webp&w=1920&h=1280&dpl=6a065ac4276f3d0008863b3f) [ Cottonbro Studio ](https://www.pexels.com/photo/crumpled-papers-and-sticky-notes-5185074/) Why am I blogging about engineering management in the first place? Simple question. It will be three years here in a couple of weeks since I took on the role, there are plenty of lessons learned, and it feels like a nice post to fill in the narrative. ## The Struggle[#](#the-struggle) I write the few sentences above when the mind and body rebel in sheer terror with the realization that “Oh right, you’ve been doing a _ton_ of failing in public and that would be a _great_ thing for all of your direct reports to read about on a Friday and then show up on a Monday to see you face to face. How _wonderful_ would it look for all of those peers and upper management to see just how much you’re getting wrong on a day to day basis. You’ve been in this industry for 25 years now and you want to let everybody know that most of that knowledge seems to have been not applicable to what you’re doing now, _and_ people are paying you for it?! Yeah, go ahead and do that. I’m going to grab some popcorn.” I wipe out the intro. Try something new. The shouting gets louder. I try a new intro. The knot in the stomach gets tighter… …from somewhere I’m reminded that life, all aspects of it, is quite messy. That cliche “anything worth doing is going to be hard” pops into my head. It’s really, _really_ hard to embrace this in the middle of the suck, especially if it feels like a perpetual state of painfully hard experiences. That also then reminds me of all the previous states of suck in which amazing new discoveries were made, small victories were won and celebrated, and you could feel change and growth happening. Oh yeah, that second verse of my favorite U2 song… “When you stop taking chances, you stay where you sit. You won’t live any longer, but it’ll feel like it.” There’s a lot to be found and discovered within the process that you miss if you wait until the end and just focus on the “ending.” I pause, I exhale heavily, and I say… “Yes self, that’s _exactly_ what we’re going to do here. So here we are. Why do I want to blog about how to manage while I’m building the vehicle of management _(hmm bad agile analogy, maybe we remove that)_? I want to blog because a lot of what I’ve learned to date has been different than what I expected to be learning in this role. ## How It’s Going[#](#how-its-going) Here’s the fun, awkward, and hopefully encouraging part for those that have worked or had one on one meetings with me for the past three years now. These are a couple of the active in progress things I’m working on. You may have been on the receiving end of some of them going well, and definitely some of them going poorly. Some wise advice I found in a blog post has started to shift my perspective from determining how to climb the mountain to determining which mountain is worth climbing. It’s no longer about going deeper or wider on how we integrate with our data platform. It’s more about what should we build that leverages our tech and empowers our users. As I start looking more to the mountains and less at the trails, it’s affecting how I look at other things as well. I find myself looking more at who has the right skills or growth opportunity to discover and build a solution instead of designing and directing the solution. This shifting is affecting a lot of the day-to-day things too. I am realizing that critical feedback needs to be given sooner rather than later and it _needs_ to be done, contrary to this conflict avoidant, ruinous empathy, oriented person’s nature. I do a severe disservice if I leave people in the dark on this kind of feedback. Besides, I know that I deeply care about their growth and I will learn to frame it properly. That winds up also shifting into giving more specific feedback and not just general yay’s or nays. “Your communication could have been smoother” should be replaced with “You spent too much time covering the technical background of the project that by the time you came to the why the team was a little lost and it didn’t land well.” Diamonds and spades are the cards to deal, another post for later on. When I lead in this manner, it feels quite refreshing to instill value into others. Reality check: I’m consistent about 13.68% in performing said duties above. That’s 1% better than last month, and yes, I’m aware that some of you reading this have experienced the other 86.32%. I see you. Let’s talk during our next O3. In the meantime I take a breath, make a note of the wins and fixes, then take another lap around the track. Writing this on a train commute, in a very messy space in my head, is exactly where this belongs. It needs a place to get sorted out. This also gives me a little “documentation” for my future self to track the journey. Hopefully it also becomes a welcome space for other people struggling and growing: somewhere to fail in public, rubber duck the hard stuff, and find out you’re not alone in the 86.32%. ## Et Vous?[#](#et-vous) This is the part where I typically hit publish on other posts and immediately fret about the credibility and accuracy of my words and wonder if I made a mistake. This one definitely feels different, less like sharing a completed work, and more like leaving a large draft mode pull request posted available for all to comment and critique. This is genuinely how it looks inside the process, even after 25 years running around this technical track. I’d rather you see that than wonder or get false impressions. I would love to hear about your “fabulous fails” in management. I’m likely to repeat those same mistakes a few times so I’ll have some empathy but I also want to learn. Oh, and thanks for reading this one, particularly if you see me at a one on one meeting next week. Ask me anything. I want those conversations. The Ongoing Pull Request [https://dillieo.me/posts/growth/2026-05-14-the-ongoing-pull-request/](https://dillieo.me/posts/growth/2026-05-14-the-ongoing-pull-request/) Author Sean Patterson Published on 2026-05-14 License [CC BY-NC-SA 4.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/) [](#)[ Bootstrap on the Cheap - 2026 Edition ](/posts/projects/2026-04-30-bootstrap-on-the-cheap-2026-edition/) © 2026 Sean Patterson. All Rights Reserved. / [RSS](/rss.xml) / [Sitemap](/sitemap-index.xml) Powered by [Astro](https://astro.build/themes/details/asterris/) | Theme by [Fuwari](https://github.com/yCENzh/Fuwari-yCENzh) © 2026 Sean Patterson. All Rights Reserved. / [RSS](/rss.xml) / [Sitemap](/sitemap-index.xml) Powered by [Astro](https://astro.build/themes/details/asterris/) | Theme by [Fuwari](https://github.com/yCENzh/Fuwari-yCENzh) [ 1 The Struggle ](#the-struggle)[ 2 How It’s Going ](#how-its-going)[ 3 Et Vous? ](#et-vous)